Softball Latest News
It was asked about in Krug’s AMA and I’m looking forward to that being answered. But in my community and it seems many all over the place in the forums I’ve been reading there have been sports fields being rejected everywhere. They clearly fall within the guidelines as something that promotes exercise, getting outside, as well as being a place and reason for people to gather together. I don’t see why people would be rejecting tennis courts, baseball fields, tee-ball fields, softball fields, and soccer fields.submitted by /u/Losifer to r/Ingress
So last night my husband and I forced ourselves out of the house to go to a family friends birthday party/get together with kids running around everywhere.
I usually hangout with the guys anyways and we were outside playing horseshoes but cake was announced and at this point I was super baked and the munchies wanted cake lol.
So I stayed in for a little bit eating my cake and listened in from a distance on a group of 7 or 8 mom's talking about their kid's reading levels and how they have to be up tomorrow (today) at 7 am for softball practice, and a bunch of other mundane shit. One of the moms just sat there taking selfie's of herself and some others were glued to their phones. I was getting ready to walk away when they started talking about flirting with other men so I thought hmmm maybe this will get more entertaining but then I high thought to myself that this is the most exciting thing in their life's and it's just sad.
So I walked away, grabbed a bag of Cracker Jack's and excitingly went back outside to my husband to tell him that I'm so fucking happy we don't have children!! Kissed him and said I love our lives, and the proceeded to nom the shit out of my Cracker Jack's!!submitted by /u/lucky1111 to r/childfree
Toronto FC vs LA Galaxy at BMO Field. 7:30 pm. Tickets available.
Toronto International Film Festival at various venues. Continues until Sunday.
IdeasCity at The Bentway – Strachan Gate. Noon - 10 pm. Free.
Ukrainian Festival on Bloor Street West between Jane and Runnymede. Free. Continues until Sunday.
Roncesvalles Polish Festival on Roncesvalles between Queen St W and Dundas St W. 11 am - 11 pm. Free. Continues tomorrow.
Park & Bark Dog Show at 1943 Yonge St. 9 am - 3 pm. Free.
Toronto Pignic at Greenwood Park. 11 am - 4 pm. Free.
Toronto Beer Week at various venues. Continues until September 22. See web site for details.
Repair Café at College/Shaw Library. 1 - 4 pm. Free.
Stories of the Spit at Tommy Thompson Park. 10 am - noon. Free.
Animals in Urban Toronto Walking Tour starts at Berczy Park. 10:30 am - noon. $10 suggested donation.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial at select Cineplex theatres. $3.
Farmers Market at Withrow Park 9 am - 1 pm, Weston GO Station 7 am - 2 pm, Humber Bay Park West 9 am - 2 pm, St Lawrence South Market 5 am - 3 pm, Evergreen Brick Works 8 am - 1 pm, Junction Train Platform 9 am - 1 pm, Artscape Wychwood Barns 8 am - 12:30 pm.
Weekend of Words at St Matthew's Clubhouse. Free. Continues until Sunday.
The Youth / Elders Podcast - Buddies in Bad Times Theatre at Oakwood Village Library and Arts Centre. 11 am - 3:30 pm. Free.
Mexican Independence Day at Nathan Phillips Square. 11 am - 9 pm. Free.
Danforth East Arts Fair at East Lynn Park. Continues to Sunday. 10 am - 5 pm. Free.
Canadian Mind Sports Association Championships at Alathena International Academy. $14 and up. Free for spectators. Continues tomorrow.
Pick Up Softball at North of Pacific Mall. 1 pm.
The Superstars of Comedy at Comedy Bar. 9 & 11 pm. $10 in advance, $12 at the door.
My hubs was diagnosed with CD in January after a softball sized mass of crap presented itself as appendicitis. He just had a colonoscopy/endoscopy last month. He has, thus far, not been on meds. After the scopes Dr. wants to put him on some cancer drug (we couldn't understand the name and I swear he said lymphoma 42 times) or humira. Our issue is that his employer is about to be bought out or shut down. He carries himself on his insurance. We had decided to hold off for a couple weeks (they were supposed to know something Sept. 1 but still don't). Well it's obvious from his tummy issues that we have to go forward with meds asap. Do we take our chances with the lymphoma drug or start humira and pray we will be able to cover it if insurance changes??? This is hard. Any input is appreciated. I'm very overwhelmed. He has always been pretty healthy!submitted by /u/cerathetreestar to r/CrohnsDisease
It was our Tuesday night recreational softball league. All of us were either high school athletes or played some college ball. Our bench consisted of some teachers, a couple of lawyers, policemen, an eye doctor, business owners, and RUFUS. We always competed against players that were 10-15 years younger. We were 35-40 years old. Bengay permeated our dugout along with discussions about sports, stocks, body aches, and our families as most of us were married. The other dugout was usually more boisterous. This didn't mean we wouldn't look at a pretty girl should she pass by. We were pretty reserved though, except RUFUS. He was a Vietnam veteran, single, and rowdy. He probably would have fit better in our opponents' dugout. He always tried to liven up things on our quiet bench. If a player wasn't paying attention, he might get his pants pulled down from behind by Rufus. When we were losing, he would stroll over to where the bats were leaning against the fence inside the dugout and proceeded to slide his foot under them making them fall with a loud racket, just to liven us up. It should be noted that Rufus worked for a local utility company. He would tell stories about his time in Vietnam--many of us had not served. Rufus liked watching pretty girls, and one day in the dugout where all could hear, he announced that he was seeing MY WIFE while I was at work. They had spent 30 minutes that afternoon in the bedroom together. What was that?
Rufus glared at me with a small grin stretched across his mouth. I, too, had the same grin. The dugout was more than quiet with a few dropped jaws. He knew that I KNEW that he and my wife had been seeing each other for a couple of months. My wife was quite pretty. She also was a beautician. We had turned one of our bedrooms into a shop with a sink and all. She was cutting his hair on his lunch hour. He would park his utility truck out front and put red cones around it as though he was doing work there. He was shaking things up in the dugout like he always did. There were children going in and out of our house, noisy neighbors who would tell me when something did not look right, and I know my wife; she has always been faithful as have I for 53 years. Furthermore, she is a terrible liar. This doesn't mean she never tried.
The first lie happened just months after we were married. Her teen years were difficult as she mostly had to care for her younger stepsister and stepbrother. There wasn't much parental help if any at all. She was always worrying and watching out for them. She had trouble with her own classes which included homemaking. Here-in lies the problem; she could do soup and sandwiches but wasn't much with the stove or oven. She did her best for me. I was fine with her efforts, except for the meatloaf.
Part of the cause of her deceit was meatloaf. My mother and both my grandmothers were superb cooks. My mother's meatloaf never crumbled. It cut into perfect slices and tasted great. My wife's meatloaf always crumbled when cut and had a bland taste. With a great deal of ketchup, I could get it down. But if I didn't let her know it was sub-par, I would continue to get it for the rest of my life. I had to tell her, and she shed a few tears. I felt awful, but it was self-preservation.
She said that she had spent time with my mother making meatloaf together, side-by-side, step-by-step. Still no success. The meatloaves looked the same but still did not cut or taste the same. She was near tears until she and Mom came up with the solution!
The next night, she presented me with her new and improved meatloaf. She cut me a piece, and it held together--a good start. There was no ketchup on the table because I looked for it. She said, "try it". I did, and it was like Mom's. In fact, it tasted just like Mom's. I took one bite, and said, "this is Mom's meatloaf." I probably could have handled this in a kinder way, but I was young and had a lot to learn about being a good husband. She immediately drops her head to her chest, and says"come with me". She led me to the freezer where three more meatloaves rested. She and Mom were conspiring against me. I had to hug her. She was doing it for me. About a year later, she had mastered it. Yet, this was not the last deceit of our relationship.
School had just let out; I was just heading out for my 20-minute drive home when my brother-in-law in his 1968 yellow Dodge Charger passed me. He didn't seem to notice me as he didn't wave or honk. He must have been preoccupied! I followed at a distance but noticed that he made every turn that I was going to make. When he got close to my house, he turned up the cul-de-sac and into my driveway. I followed him in. He got out, and my wife came hurriedly from the back of the house. She froze when she saw me. She should have known that it was about time for me to come home. I think she was hoping he would get there in time to solve the problem that she had and then leave so it would look as though everything was normal.
I had a used Austin Healy Sprite that I loved. It was bright red. It had no scratches or dents until that moment. She had tried to back it out from the back part of the driveway and through the wooden gates that separated the back from the front. She was looking over her right shoulder when there was a crunch. She had forgotten to close the driver's side door, and it was bent all the way to the front fender and knowing that my brother-in-law was a car person, she had hoped he could beat me home and bend it back or something. I don't know how she was going to explain the fence. She wanted to deceive, but couldn't pull it off. At least no one was hurt in the accident. The door was fixed.
I would never deceive my wife. Well, there was the time I had her up on a ladder on a cold night with binoculars looking at a far-off satellite that was blinking. I knew that it was nothing but a distant airplane. After about four nights, and like a dog that won't chase a ball when you fake throwing it, she figured it out. I knew better but was enjoying it. She did forgive me eventually. Like RUFUS, we just like to shake things up once in a while.submitted by /u/Etennis73 to r/creativewriting
What is it with fanfiction that doesn't describe the characters that are in it? Worm has well over one-hundred named characters in its cast. I've read Worm twice and there are still people brought up by name that I've completely forgotten about, and I've read over five million words of Worm fanfiction and I still sometimes forget which Ward is which. So it's really strange to me that fanfiction authors do this thing where they just kind of assume we know who all the characters are and why they'd be doing exactly what they're doing at any given moment. The only explanation I can think of is that maybe they didn't think about it? Which is why I'm writing a post to raise a bit of awareness.
As far as I can tell, there are a few good reasons to describe your characters:
You want to build a stronger identity for a given character. By giving them a detailed description you have more of a scaffold to construct their personality off of - Tattletale wears a skintight bodysuit and a domino mask and this is pretty important to what she represents, when she has the ability to take information from people without them knowing. Likewise, the "secret identity" of a cape usually helps emphasize the contrast between their two lives. The Wards are very mundane looking when out of costume, Lisa looks as if she's put on a different mask, Brian transitions from intimidating to "boyish" and "charming" (And see! Wildbow used the transition between identities as a way to indicate Taylor's crush without screaming TALYOR HAS A CRUSH out loud). If this juxtaposition between cape and person exists at all in your story, it's doubly important to put these descriptions in.
You've made some kind of AU change to the world that you want everyone to know about as soon as possible. I'd list An Imago of Rust and Crimson as a good example of this with the caveat that it seems to be taking some well needed time between the introductions of canon characters. As much as I hesitate to add a negative example, I'm going to put Freaky Friday here because this is one of the very few things I think it gets wrong. Once we know that the New Wave kids have different identities it's very easy to transpose what we know from canon on to the "new" characters. On the other hand, up until that point, it's just kind of assumed that we know who Nike and Iris are, and it's only explained at chapter 2.8, so until that point it's mostly up to the reader to guess. I don't really think the confusion was worth it. (although I applaud the author for at the very least not creating a carbon copy of the Brockton Bay in canon)
You have an OC! Contrary to popular belief, an OC isn't an immediate black mark against a story - a bad character is. A character that doesn't have any relevance to the plot, or only exists as part of a featureless group, tends to be pretty bad. A bad OC is usually created when someone who otherwise wouldn't be relevant to the plot, or wouldn't receive character growth, gets a proper noun and an entire introduction scene. A brand new character should have a very deliberate relevance to the plot at hand, or at the very least engage the reader. The worst case of bad OC usually happens when the Taylor decides to crash Arcadia and the author doesn't want to be unoriginal and have the Wards be her only friends. They decide to introduce four characters at once, with paper thin personality, and then they remember that they hate high school and none of these characters ever show up again. Or if they do show up again, the impact of any individual one is diminished by them having been introduced as a group. The best way to introduce this type of character in a serialized fashion is to only do it when their name becomes really relevant, and improvise the rest. So if Taylor joins the Arcadia softball team because someone at her lunch table told her so, either make the recruiter the only person she meets in that scene, or just cut straight to tryouts and have Taylor explain that the conversation happened while the camera was away. Mixed Feelings is the undisputed king (queen?) of OCs in this fandom, with a close second going to Setanta because it's basically its own separate story. I'm not going to list bad examples because there are too many.
You have the close cousin to the OC, the expy or crossover character. In this case, no excuses should be made: every character needs to have some kind of description, as if the reader is learning about them for the first time. I can't tell you how many crossovers I've read where the author just assumes you have an encyclopedic knowledge of both fandoms and throws you over the deep end. I really think it kills the buzz of being introduced to a new fandom when I'm forced to deduce who half the characters even are from available information. The exception to this is probably alt-power crossovers, which are by far the most common in Worm fanfiction.
In any case, there are a few exceptions. You should avoid describing as much about the main point of view character as possible, and dole out that information over the course of the entire story, in order to avoid "the character sits down in front of a mirror and describes themselves" style scenes. You shouldn't describe characters in a one-shot, because the one-shot is limited a single chapter's worth of space to fill, and it's probably going to be closer to canon than your average story too. If the main character is not supposed to know who the character is, and neither does the reader, it would be wise to not describe them in too much detail. I see this in a lot of "Lisa appears out of nowhere in her civilian guise" scenes, and I think that it's a pretty good writing choice most of the time. I think it's undercut by the fact that it's trite, but I can appreciate a good decision for what it is. I also think the point about staggering the descriptions of OCs can also be applied to character introductions in general, especially with respect to characters that are well known to the reader. A lot of the push-back against describing every character comes from that one cliche scene where all eighteen million of the Wards introduce themselves in sequence, essentially clouding up the entire chapter 2.something with character descriptions that don't really matter to the story, because Taylor's decision to join the Wards was more motivated by the stations of fanon than any real character arc.
It's definitely possible to be on the other side of the fence on this one - it does get a little repetitive reading the same descriptions over and over again. But I think that says more about the originality of the author than it does about the necessity of character descriptions. For the most part, I'd rather the author strive for clarity of description than try to attempt some kind of high-level description-avoiding technique, because the average fanfiction author is much more capable of doing the former than the latter.
And that's my post. If you guys have other experiences to share about character descriptions, please comment! I'd be very interested to see if anyone else has had something like this bottled up.submitted by /u/Tandemmirror to r/WormFanfic
I am not looking to meet creepy old guys. I really don't want to talk to guys right now as most of my friends are guys. I would love to make new female friends. I am lesbian but you don't have to be. I like to draw, sing, play softball.submitted by /u/ImElise04 to r/Needafriend
[AMA RULES] Softball questions only! AMAs exist so people can promote something, not open themselves up to tough questions.
When we get notable people to do AMAs it really makes us feel legitimate and important. They come here because our moderators promise a promotional platform in return for said access. They're not going to give us access if we don't meet their expectations so please only lob softball questions at them.
Also thank them profusely! Prostrate yourself for anybody who has come to promote something.
Stop acting like "Ask Me Anything" is what AMA has now come to mean. Questions we do not like will be removed and users will receive warnings.submitted by /u/rnfldouchebag to r/nflcirclejerk
It's easy to come up with reasons why something won't work, or to continue to push things off because of other priorities in life, like work and family. What's hard is actually getting started. I recently spoke with Kyle Bergman, the founder of The Great Fantastic brand which makes sweatpant overalls, and even though he never thought he'd want to start an apparel company, he saw a big opportunity and decided to jump all in. To the tune of using $10,000 from a loan he had taken out to pre-order his first batch of 500 sweatpant overalls (Swoveralls), the smallest order size he could get.
Since then, Kyle has generated $230,000 in revenue with a 54% profit margin, balancing working on his business with a full time job at Birchbox, pursuing his MBA at NYU, working part-time as a physical trainer at Orange Theory, and playing for the Israeli National LaCrosse team. If that wasn’t enough, he’s also a photographer and videographer on the side and occasionally works with major brands to supplement his income, allowing him to reinvest most of his earnings back into growing his business.
If you think you're too busy to start executing on your business idea, think again.
Still, how was he able to accomplish all of this in just one year?
The background: He spent years as a buyer at Bloomingdales and later Birchbox where his job was to identify growing fashion trends and work with suppliers to bring exciting new products to consumers. When a friend sent him an article about sweatpant overalls, he immediatly wanted a pair. A quick Google search showed that virtually no-one was manufacturing this new style of clothing, save for a few vanity pairs he was able to find online.
Next he used Google's Keyword Planner to track searches for this product, and noticed that more than 300 people were searching for sweatpant overalls every month (now this number is up to 5,000) but that none of the websites that were showing up in the search results sold this product. This was enough for him to get excited about the opportunity, and start looking for a supplier that could send him a sample of this product.
Note that his work experience clearly positioned him for success - most businesses are started from some kind of domain expertise or knowledge. It pays to learn on someone else's dime.
Next, he leveraged his network for his first early successes.
Once he picked his supplier and had inventory (he used Amazon fulfillment services to hold and distribute his inventory), he started selling his product to friends and family. This created a little word of mouth growth. His first break came when a teammate on his recreational softball league, who knew the founder of popular blog Fatherly, suggested that his story and product might be a great fit for the blog. Within two weeks, an article was published.
This article was quckly picked up by Thrillist, then Pop Sugar and Brobible. Soon, many other publications followed. Now, if anyone searched "Sweatpant Overalls" every single search result was pointing to an article with links directly to his website. Sales soared.
Kyle was able to leverage this momentum to create a Kickstarter and Indiegogo campaign, raising $100,000+. He has also produced a viral video that went on to generate 9 million views, resulting in $60,000 in sales. Now Kyle is continuing to use various creative methods to grow his following further, even getting celebrities like Amy Schumer and Jeff Ross to wear his product.
If you want to hear his full story, here's a podcast interview with Kyle.
The moral of this is two fold. Don't wait until you have "enough free time" to work on what you love. You have to make it a priority, and create the time. Lastly, if you see an opportunity you have to jump on it asap - you might just stumble upon the next exciting trend.submitted by /u/slimwheels00 to r/Entrepreneur
I wanted to share this known method of training defense since beginners tend to not punish or throw break all that much.
It helped me a lot doing this kind of training session for 10-20 minutes daily, here is how it works:
Go into training mode and pick your main, Dragunov as your opponent
Set the CPU action to "Repeat action" with the following moves:
df+2 (punish it with your 10-12f punish)
db3 (punish with your launching WS move)
all three command throws of Dragunov (f1+4, f2+3, ff+1+2; these get broken by inputting 1, 2 or 1+2 respectively at the correct time. Try to look at the shoulders/arms Dragunov uses to break the throw accordingly)
Additional tip: you can change the interval between actions and also set a certain value between 0 and 100 so specific moves don't come out as much as the other.
Hope this can help some of you like it helped me, cheers everybody and have fun with this awesome game!submitted by /u/SleepyMaxa to r/Tekken
NSL was about Lincoln lying beign bad luck all because Lynn blame him for making her lose the game after he came to her game after she forced him to come
So I wonder if Lynn allows Lincoln to stay home instead of going to get softball game?
Would Lynn won the softball game instead of losing?
Or if she still loses the game even if Lincoln didn't come, Would she still blame Lincoln when he wasn't with them to see her playing
What do you think about this?submitted by /u/Sparklesvoid to r/theloudhouse
Lost some long-time friends to TDS. I know you'll all tell me I'm better off, but today, I will take a moment to grieve. Twenty plus years of friendship over because they hate me over politics.
One is a friend from college (I'm that old) and I saw yesterday that he has unfriended me on Facebook. I know it's not a huge big deal but it showed me who he IS friends with -- random people that I introduced him to. He's still friends with them but not me. He was gay and I was the president and founder of a Christian group on campus but that didn't mean we couldn't be friends way back when. I adored him. And it hurts that I have looked past his value differences all these years but he cannot look past mine.
The second is one of the closest friends I've ever had. We met at a Capitol Hill softball game and have been ridiculously close ever since. She has medical issues and I was one of the few who did her injections when she couldn't reach the spot. I have seen her through numerous rounds of treatments and hardships, prayed with her through the scarier moments and rejoiced with her in the high points. She has walked with me through my own dark times and celebrated with me on the other side. She's in the path of Florence and when I reached out to her, offering her a place to stay and asking for any updates at all, I was met with silence. Nothing.
My husband tells me I'm better off without these people in my life and maybe he's right. Maybe it's better to surround myself with people who share our values.
But today, today I'm grieving. I miss my friends. I miss the banter. I miss the humor and the fun. It breaks my heart that we can't stay friends with people --people with whom I share a vivid history -- just because they hate our President that much. That chasm is too big for bridges, in their eyes. It breaks my heart.submitted by /u/SomeSAHM to r/The_Donald
I came up as an athlete. Very serious about football (soccer), I pushed myself to the point where I was attempting to break into the Olympic circuit and had plans to play D1 goalkeeper at Michigan State University. Before I could realize those dreams, I began to have issues with my left leg. Sciatic nerve pain and loss of strength that plagued me and got progressively worse over the course of about 9 months. On a beautiful October afternoon in 2007, I received a call from my doctor who had just received an MRI of my hip in preparation for exploratory surgery. Up until that point, we had been convinced the nerve pain was caused by a lower back injury. He asked me come in right away, and to bring my mom. Uh oh.
Osteosarcoma. Stage 4. I had a tumor the size of a softball growing between my hip and my spine on the left side of my body. We had spent months searching for a problem, missing it by 6 inches.
Chemotherapy began almost immediately, but the outcome was grim to say the least. I would find out several years later that the doctors on my case had given me a 4% chance to survive.
I was forced to give up my leg, as well as the left half of my hip and pelvis, in order to have a prayer of beating the cancer. At that moment, the “me” I had cultivated for so many years died. All of my hopes and dreams centered around my athletic ability. I was 175 pounds, 10% body fat, and in amazing shape before my diagnosis. After my treatment ended, and against all odds I survived, I slipped into a depression.
Over the next several years, I put on weight and became very careless about my health. My body was alive, but my soul was apathetic of that fact. As of July of this year, I weighed 175 pounds again, but I was missing 18% of my body mass. I calculated my body fat somewhere between 25% and 30%. It’s hard to be very accurate using equations made for people with all their limbs.
July 9th of this year, I started my journey down the Keto road. I had tried and failed many times over the last few years to alter my lifestyle and be more healthy, but the clearly defined, no nonsense rules of the keto lifestyle were like an always present light in the distance for me to focus on. I’ve been fully committed to OMAD keto for almost a month now. I’ve mixed in some longer fasts, and have been very careful to meet my protein and calories on the days I’m not fasting. The advice and guidance I’ve received from this sub (and others) has been instrumental in my journey, and I want to thank everyone for their help.
Today, I’m proud to say that I weighed in at 145 lbs. I know that seems low for my height, but if you were to add my leg back in, I would be right around my weight before I was diagnosed. I’m still carrying around 20% body fat (which I will continue to target with weight lifting and whatever cardio I can do as an amputee), but making it back to this weight is the first real goal relating to my health that I’ve achieved since my world was shattered.
Next, I plan to restructure my macros so that my weight stays constant, up my protein intake a bit, and start a weight lifting program to increase my muscle mass. I haven’t felt this alert and energetic since before my cancer. Keto is the real deal. It’s the diet we were MEANT to have. It’s a lifestyle that I will commit to for the rest of my life. For my wife. For my daughters. For myself.
Thanks for reading my success story, and here’s to many more moving forward.
Keep calm, Keto on.submitted by /u/BrasicL1 to r/keto
I feel weird even letting this bug me, but after years it’s gotten to the point where it has.
Long story short me and this girl got hired the same day 3.5 years ago at work. Since then we have been pretty close. We talk all day everyday at work (probably too much from our employers eyes lol) in person or through IM. We go to lunch with together once a week. We rarely hang out one on one outside of the work day, mostly because we each have significant others and I personally don’t like putting my GF in that situation and I’m sure it’s the same for her. We do talk sometimes outside of work, but like I said we talk everyday so usually there is nothing left to say outside of work.
However my issue that has recently started to bug me is she ignores me in group settings. No this isn’t all in my head kind of stuff. So we go to bars with coworkers/outside friends mixed in or play softball or volleyball or whatever and she almost actively ignores talking to me. I mean I’m not joking when I say we can be at a bar with 4 other people for 3 hours and she may never say a single word to me unless I direct something to her. Not hi or bye even. She doesn’t even offer feedback on a conversation I’m saying. She just sits in silence until my topic is done.
But then back at work she will come over and talk to me like we are best friends again and shoot the shit at lunch or whatever. For I guess almost 3 years I kinda just accepted it. But now it really bugs me. As now like I said I can literally not even get a hi or bye (when she says it to everyone else she won’t even look at me).
What gives. At first I thought it was because she didn’t want our coworkers to think something is going on between us, but almost everyone in our company knows we talk. So that went out the window years ago.
I don’t get it.
Edit: to add she isn’t shy or anything she is very social.
—- tl;dr: friend ignores me in groups but acts like best friends when one on one.submitted by /u/Bluejacket9 to r/relationships
This post is so long, I just had to get it all out.
I'm SM to SD(7) and SD(6). BM to son(11months). And today was a day that made me want to walk away.
My husband has primary custody. BM gets the girls EOW and one day every other week. About 25% of the month. This is due to her doing drugs when they were young, having multiple people testify to that (her neighbors and friends that had stopped having to do with her because they witnessed her constantly getting messed up and leaving her 1 and 2 year old to fend for themselves). They tried to do a hair follicle test on her and she bleached her hair and shaved it. They still managed to get a sample and lost it ("this has never happened before I'm sorry but you'll have to pay another $300 to retest her and honestly with her hair like that it's a waste of money). The judge asked her if she did drugs and she replied with "just Klonopin" he asked if she had a script for them to which she said "no I get them from my mom". How she has any custody at all is beyond me. Probably helped that the GAL represented her, not the girls, when her lawyer dropped her for not paying. The GAL was her moms best friend's daughter. Shes a high school drop out, after failing 3 years in a row she left school. Has never, not one time, had a job. She lived at her mom's house (3 bed rooms) with her mom, her sister, her sisters two kids, and her other sisters son, and our girls when she had them until 2 years ago when she got pregnant by some other guy and moved in with him. She's since had 2 kids 10 months apart, lives in a 3 bedroom trailer with her 4 kids (one boy has his own room. SDs 7&6 share a room with their 9 month old sister). She has told the kids school work doesn't matter, that being cool is what school is about and when my husband asked about it she defended that statement. She is NOT a good parent. But you know what she is? A fun parent.
Our kids have a bed time. They do homework every night. They are made to shower every night. They are expected to follow general rules such as "do what I tell you to do the first time I ask". They're made to go to the dentist, and the doctor. They're made to clean their room once a week. They're made to get along or separate from each other. Basically, they're made to function like normal children in healthy households. My husband doesn't spank but they do get grounded if they're being exceptionally bad.
I work 45-50 hours a week. I cook every night(thank God for pressure cookers). I take one to soccer twice a week and one to softball once a week. I take the youngest to tutoring every Wednesday. I make lunches and snacks every day. I do homework. I do hair. I do kick ass movie nights with stove cooked popcorn and pallets in the living room. I do playground and sleepovers. I run myself ragged. I bust my ass.
Every single time we go pick them up from mom, we are met with "no I hate it there don't make us go" "oh I know baby but I'll see you so soon. You're strong you can do it". We've explained, over and over how hurtful it is when they do that, we've explained that we love them and love when they come back home, how we miss them when they're gone, we've asked why they do it, and you know what we get? "Your house isn't fun". They've told us their mom said in a few years they can choose where to live and that they're going to move with her. This has been happening for about 2 months straight. Never happened before then. I do not have a clue what in the hell happened to bring this on.
But let me tell you, tonight I snapped. I had to leave because I was so close to losing it. I've cried myself to sleep over this many times, I've been heartbroken over it, but tonight....tonight I'm pissed. I make good money. My husband makes good money. But I can't tell you the last time I got to enjoy the money I work my butt off for. Every dime goes to them. My hair hasn't gotten done in a year, I haven't gotten a new pair of shoes since April '17. I go without 100% of the time because they are MONEY PITS. They always need new clothes and new shoes because they grow constantly. We've put 400 dollars into sports this fall. Back to school supplies, birthday parties, holidays, field trips, it's always something. I make enough money for my son and I to live very comfortably on our own.
We live in a nice house, where everyone has their own room, and we pay OUT THE BUTT for it but when I was pregnant with a son I knew he'd need his own room and didn't want the girls to feel like he was more important. So we drastically upgraded so everyone would have their own space.
I dedicate my money, my time, all of my energy to these kids. I've grown very, very resentful of that the last few months. I love them. I do. And I love my husband. But do I love any of them enough to sacrifice my happiness for the next 12 years?
The answer is no.
"They're just kids they don't know what they're doing they don't mean it". That's my husband's response. And I agree to a certain extent and disagree to a certain extent. They know that when they acted like that 2 weeks ago I cried the whole way home. I explained how badly it hurt when they screamed at the top of their lungs "I DONT WANT TO GO HOME WITH HER". We had a very long talk about why it hurts and how I felt. At the end they both said their feelings would be hurt too after hearing it from my point of view. So yes, they're kids, they don't know their mom spent years choosing drugs over them, they can't put two and two together and see that she's never given enough of a shit about them to even get a part time job to try to make a better life for them, they don't know that their mom has put their dad in the hospital twice, once from pushing him out of a car and once for hitting him with a car, they don't know their mom is a selfish, hateful person. But they do know, for a fact that I am nice. That I treat them with respect. That I love them. I know they know that. And they know acting like that hurts my feelings. But they do not care. I am not their mom. They're only kids. Fine. They don't get it.
But does that make me feel any better? No. Do I want to spend my life being miserable, being hurt, feeling rejected and unloved by two people that my world revolves around? Is that at all healthy? Absolutely not.
I picked SD(6) up from school today because she was sick. It was BMs night last night and drop off wasn't until 6 so I told her after she picked up SD(7) from school she could stop by and get other SD at my house. Specifically said "send SD7 in to get SD6, she will be waiting. I had to go back to work so my dad is there." She took the opportunity to walk into MY house without me there, and loudly comment about what a wreck it was. To which SD7 said "yeah we hate it here". She's never set foot in my house before and I would NEVER allow it. She makes sideway comments about my son every single time she sees him. "He's so small. My son was much bigger" "wow he doesn't have any teeth yet? That's very weird. My son had 6 by now" "yeah his head is round and boy is it big! It looks like a basketball". She messaged me a week after Christmas after seeing pictures of the girls Christmas gifts online that I needed to send their new jackets ($60/ea) to her house because we can just get them another one. She constantly belittles us for having more money than her. Calls us greedy for going big on holidays knowing she can't. She is a NIGHTMARE. Shes keyed my car, publically asked someone to come kick my ass on Facebook for getting the girls hair trimmed(posting my address), showed up at my old job and acted a FOOL. I know she is the real issue. I know she is why the girls act how they do. I know she poisons them against us. I know she has the mind of a 16 year old and treats them like friends and not kids.
Does that change anything? No. Does it make me feel any better? No. Because it's NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
anyways that's the whole point of this rant.
TLDR; my step children have thrown me into a deep depression, BM has given me painful anxiety, and I don't care who's fault it is, it's not going to change and I am tired of it.submitted by /u/alylytomtom to r/stepparents